Therapists are great: what’s not to love about someone who will listen to you talk about your problems and concerns for an hour at a time, has only your best interests at heart, and wants to help you feel better? There are many times in your life when you should see a therapist.
When you’ve experienced a loss or after a breakup
Unfortunately, this experience is common to all humans: at some point in our lives we will lose someone we love, whether it’s a family member, friend, partner, or beloved pet. Grieving that loss can leave us with overwhelming and debilitating emotions. Choosing to see a therapist can be particularly helpful at these times. The end of a relationship or a marriage can also trigger feelings of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, shame, and fear. Talking with a therapist can help you learn to manage these feelings and move forward with the next phase of your life.
When you’ve experienced a trauma
After experiencing a trauma (a threat to your life or to your mental or physical health that overwhelms your coping ability) you may need therapy to deal with any psychological after-effects. It’s important to get help as soon as possible after the event, to avoid developing secondary issues. Seek out a therapist who is trained to deal specifically with trauma.
When you want to accept and love yourself
Many otherwise mentally healthy people suffer from low self-esteem, negative self-talk, or feelings of worthlessness. These conditions can stem from one’s upbringing, financial situation, or physical appearance, but whatever the cause, a qualified therapist can offer practical help to identify what’s standing between you and a happier life.
When you want to improve your marriage or relationship
A marriage doesn’t need to be in serious trouble to benefit from relationship counselling, for one or both partners. You might be generally happy, but have a recurring argument with your partner, or have trouble negotiating some aspect of your life together (like housework). Whatever the issue, a therapist can help you improve your relationship.
When you’re angry all the time
Anger can be healthy, but uncontrollable, constant, or overwhelming anger is certainly not—and it can hurt both you and those around you. Working with a therapist to dig into the reasons for your anger, and how to manage it better, can greatly improve your mood and overall quality of life.
When you feel sick all the time but the doctor can’t find anything wrong
Anxiety activates the body’s stress response, and constant anxiety puts your body on high alert all the time, which can cause symptoms like fainting, sweating, dizziness, and upset stomach. If you feel ill all the time, seeing a therapist to manage excessive anxiety might help alleviate those other symptoms as well. (If not, head back to the doctor!)
When you’re a person living in the world
Just being a human and existing in the modern world can be hard. Even if everything in your life is going well, and there are no big obvious problems, you might benefit from seeing a therapist to learn more about yourself, gain new coping skills and strategies, and check in with your emotions.
Now that we’re spending more time with our partners and family members, little things they’ve always done can start to grate on our nerves. The only way to cope is to accept their annoying imperfections (and possibly try a few solutions to make them less jarring).
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Personal space is a hot commodity these days, so it’s understandable you may need a bit of non-touching time. So ask for it!
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It’s annoying to live among loose socks and dirty underwear, and constantly having to remind your partner to pick up their stuff can make you feel like a nag. The solution? Turn the pick-up into a joke by piling their dirty wares on their side of the bed. They should get the hint. Otherwise, you could buy a laundry bin for every one of your rooms to help make the cleanup process easier.
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Anyone who uses a dish should either wash it or stack it in the dishwasher before leaving the kitchen. If your partner can’t seem to figure this rule out, turn managing the dishes into a competition.
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Unless you’re very concerned about your budget, there are worse things than having to wait for a long shower-taker. (That is, of course, unless you have a bathroom emergency.) If your partner has been indulging in some self-care by means of long showers, take it as a cue to do the same.
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Singing is a proven mood-booster, so as annoying as this trait is, your partner’s a cappella achievements could actually do you a world of good.
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It’s important to keep informed, but most experts agree that staying glued to the news can actually increase stress and feelings of insecurity. Watch how your partner responds to what they are watching; if their habit turns into an obsession and they can’t talk about anything other than the coronavirus, you may need to chat with them about scaling back.
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They say that messy desks are a sign of intelligence, but what happens when the home becomes the desk? The only solution is to get hyper-organized. Have your partner put all of their work wares in a designated pile or box at the end of the day.
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Honesty can be a strong suit, but if your partner isn’t sugarcoating anything, you may find some pills a little too tough to swallow. If you believe your partner means well, express your feelings and ask them to soften their delivery; if, however, there is a tinge of anger to what they say, you may need to consider whether the relationship is safe.
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You might find it super annoying, and it’s a time-suck for your partner, but as habits go, needlessly redoing chores isn’t that big of a deal. It’s probably the only thing giving your partner a sense of order or control in a time when nothing is certain. Let this one go.
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Memory loss is a common side effect of stress, and basically everyone these days is feeling a bit stressed. So while forgetfulness may seem like an annoying habit, it’s probably due to your partner’s brain being overworked. To try to overcome this obstacle, make list-sharing a new habit; post tasks on your fridge or share to-dos through an app.
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You asked them to take out the trash in the morning and it’s still sitting on the floor at dinner. Should you take it out yourself or ask them to do it again? Neither, say experts. Use it as an opportunity to discuss how to better divide chores in a way that will benefit your partnership.
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Having to juggle kids and work will shorten anyone’s fuse, so you and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to disciplining. To avoid having one person take on the lion’s share of kid management, sit down with your partner and work out a schedule indicating when you’ll each care for your tots, and discuss disciplinary strategies for different scenarios.
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It’s easy to interpret this as your partner intentionally ignoring you, but pause and think about what’s more likely happening: they’re probably staring off into space thinking about the many worries of the day (finances, the coronavirus, getting it all done). The habit even has a name—“the anxiety stare.”
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Social media offers a great distraction from the bad news cycle of the day, so it’s no wonder everyone is (probably) slightly addicted to their phones right now. To ensure you can enjoy some non-screen time as a family, make some house rules for when phones and tablets can be used. The rest of the time, keep devices stored in a box on a shelf.
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Some people deal with stress by coping in destructive ways, like staying up way too late. Remember that this annoying behaviour may be your mate’s only way of coping with the unknown of the current situation. Encourage them to come to bed by creating a new pre-zzzs routine, like sharing snacks or chatting in bed.
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You may think there’s no excuse for never-closing-the-door syndrome, but it turns out that some research suggests this happens when people’s brains are working on overdrive (a state that’s akin to ADHD). Someone will, essentially, forget to close a door before moving on to another task. The solution? Remind them that you could hurt yourself because of their carelessness, then ask them to slow down, and close the door yourself.
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Stepping into the bathroom for a little self-care can go off the rails when you find your partner has left their razor trimmings or toenail clippings all over the sink or floor. (On the bright side, at least they care about personal hygiene.) Throw what you can into the trash bin (don’t rinse anything down the sink!), and remind your partner to clean up after themselves. Another idea? Put a change jar in the bathroom, and have your partner drop their loose change in every time they forget to tidy up. Then, treat yourself to something sweet with the profits.
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You could spend your time getting annoyed by this habit (especially if you were hoping to use the contents of one of those jars to make dinner), but it’s probably not worth the fuss since it’s super simple to toss the empty container in the recycling. To ensure you’re not left high and dry the next time you want to dip into a spread, post an “empties” list on your fridge so everyone in the house can add to it when an item needs restocking.
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Should a toilet paper roll hang over or under when hung on a horizontal holder? The debate continues, so you’ll have to decide if this is really a habit worth starting a discussion about. It’s probably just easier to flip the roll to your preferred orientation every time you use the washroom.
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Most experts agree that during this trying time, sticking to a schedule is key. It will alleviate anxiety and help ensure that parents equitably divide managing work and personal tasks. It’s no wonder, then, that your partner’s inability to stick to a schedule could get annoying. Try to remember that the daily rules and routines are new to them, too. Give your mate a couple of weeks to adjust. If, after that, they still can’t manage their time, have a polite chat with them to see if you can shift things around so that things are more balanced.
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